


I Choose to Protect You in Silence

by InfiniteOuroboros



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Donnie is keeping a big secret, Family, Gen, Just lots of family feels, Sleepy Cuddles, Time Travel, What-If, no Tcest, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 01:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7598326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfiniteOuroboros/pseuds/InfiniteOuroboros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>None of them wanted to admit it but space wasn't what any of them thought it was going to be.</p><p>It wasn't Space Heroes.<br/>It wasn't Star Wars.</p><p>It was cold and dark and never-ending.</p><p>And the worst part? One of their own was slowly drifting away, ignoring his family...for what?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT.

Mikey quietly closed the door behind him so he wouldn’t disturb his brothers or Casey. He hadn’t meant to spend most of the night with his genius brother. And thinking of night—was it _really_ night if there wasn’t a sunrise? Normally he’d ask Donnie to answer any of his random questions but after the past few hours…

It had hurt when his brother had so casually brushed him off and ignored Mikey’s every attempt to talk. Mikey had taken Leo’s not-so-subtle hint that maybe he could break his brother’s unhealthy habit of spending hours working alone. But as the hours ticked by and Donnie hadn’t even really acknowledged him _once_. Mikey had given up.

At home, Donnie would sometimes shoo him out of the lab during important experiments, but most of the time, he didn’t mind it when Mikey would spend hours watching him work. They chatted about anything and everything to pass the time. It was a comfortable routine that both of them enjoyed and because of that, Mikey had been confident that he could bring that Donnie back.

But the Donnie from back home wasn’t the Donnie in space.

The first time Mikey had sought out one of his brothers at night had been after a fight with his smartest brother. Donnie had called him stupid, air-headed, and a bunch of other names Mikey couldn’t really remember. Leo had understood though; he welcomed him into his bed with a knowing look.

Sharing a bed didn’t happen too often at first. It took weeks after the first time for it to happen again. Even then, it was only a night here or a night there, but as Donnie grew more distant and their missions to alien planets grew tougher, it had evolved. The three of them had fallen back on an old habit—where spending the night next to a warm body was easier than sleeping alone, and Mikey’s favorite nights were the nights where he was tightly cocooned between Raph and Leo’s arms. Those nights no ugly nightmares woke him up; those nights felt like home.

The first time Casey had teased them about it, Raph had punched him in the arm and threatened him if he brought it up again. It took the teen a couple of bruises and a black eye to realize that this was a Topic To Not Discuss.

Frustrated, slightly angry, and trying to ignore his growing feeling of failure, Mikey continued past his own bed and kept walking until he got to Raph’s. Not wanting to give in to the loneliness that threatened to overcome him he nudged his brother in red. Raph didn’t even look at him, he just shifted to make room for his youngest brother.

“Y’okay?” Raph mumbled, pulling his youngest brother into his arms.

“Hmm.” Raph curled his arms tighter around his brother, bringing them closer together. Mikey’s silence spoke more than any words ever could.

“What did Donnie say?”

Mikey curled in on himself, “Dee’s busy.” Raph squeezed his eyes shut and let out a quiet growl. Donnie must’ve ignored their little brother’s efforts.

Stupid Donnie. Stupid space. Stupid Triceratons. Stupid—

“Raph?”

Raph took a deep breath and released it. Now wasn’t the time to get angry. It wasn’t Mikey’s fault. “Sorry,” he quietly apologized.

Mikey clenched his eyes shut, leaning further into his brother’s embrace. “I’m sorry too.” 

“Why're you sorry?”

“I couldn’t get Donnie out of his funk. I know Leo thought I could do it and I know you thought I could too since me and Donnie are best friends and he tells me _everything_. Or as least he used to! But he didn’t want to listen to _anything_ I had to say. I don’t think he heard anything I said. I—” He swallowed before his voice could break. “I just couldn’t reach him.”

From the other side of the room Leo cringed. He had heard the youngest come in and knew the moment Mikey had quietly shut the door that tonight hadn’t gone like he had hoped, and overhearing his brothers’ soft conversation, it made him feel so much worse.

“Mikey…” Leo heard sheets ruffling as his brothers turned toward him. “It’s not your fault Mikey; I shouldn’t have asked you to try and get Donnie to understand. It’s my job as leader—”

“Shut Up Leo. This isn’t about being leader, this is about being a brother and I think Donnie has forgotten he has three of them.” Raph snapped, interrupting him.

“I was about to say that—“

“Leo, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Raph! Would you let me finish!” Leo growled, frustrated his brother wouldn’t let him talk.

“Dudes, can we please not fight?” Mikey pleaded, his voice wavering a little.

Both Raph and Leo deflated at the youngest’s plea.

“Sorry bro.”

“Yeah, sorry…”

Satisfied that his brothers wouldn’t argue, at least for the rest of the night, Mikey scooted back in the bed forcing Raph to move. The red-banded turtle grumbled but kept moving until his shell was just starting to bump up against the wall. Satisfied that enough room had been made, Mikey lifted the edge of the blanket, mimicking Raph’s invitation from earlier.

Seeing the peace offering for what it was, Leo looked at their human friend to see if he was still asleep before climbing out of his own bed and joining his brothers. Shifting around until he was comfortable, Leo closed his eyes and sighed. “We need to figure out some way to bring Donnie back to us.”

“I know.” Leo felt Mikey shift so he could grab his hand and pull them closer together.

“I hate space,” Raph mumbled from his position against the wall. “I can’t wait to go home.”

“Sewer, sweet sewer!” Mikey hummed, finally letting the tension from the evening escape his body.

Leo pressed his snout into his youngest brother’s shoulder to hide his smile. Breathing deeply, he took comfort in his brothers’ mingling scents and allowed it to calm his nerves. Sometimes he needed the reminder that space with it’s sterile environment, cold scents, and white noise was only temporary.

One day, this would all behind them. Donnie wouldn’t act like an outsider in their family.

“Donnie will come back,” Leo said firmly, the ‘ _he has too_ ’ left unsaid. He heard two hums of agreement before finally allowing himself to fall asleep again; this time, with the comfort of family by his side.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie had been fascinated by space from the moment the Fugitoid had plucked them up from Earth and saved their lives. But he had never thought that his drive for knowledge would force him to keep one of the biggest secrets of his young life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT.

Those first few hours in space had left them all feeling like they had cheated death. While his family expressed their malcontent with anger, violence, or tears, Donnie had excitedly turned to the very thing that could save their home: time travel. He had read plenty of articles about wormholes and string theory to know that everyone had an opinion—but no one knew for sure what could or might happen if anyone actually figured out how to do it.

To him, living one of the great unknowns trumped his fear of space. His thirst for knowledge came first. He wanted to prove, even if it was only to himself, just _one_ of the theories about time travel.

He had been giddy—at first.

But, it had been after their first run-in with the Triceraton fleet that he had quietly pulled the Fugitoid aside and asked him to tell him everything he could about their mission and time travel. The robot had been hesitant, unsure that he would understand, but after a little goading on Donnie’s part he had consented and began to explain, in length, the full enormity of time travel.

That night, so long ago, had titled Donnie’s world on its axis, and he hadn’t recovered since.

The first thing he had learned was how complicated time travel was. The second thing had been that while time travel could essentially be used as an “undo”, it couldn’t be used to fix events that were fated to happen.

The Fugitoid had told him that the chances of saving everyone from the Triceraton invasion was improbable and rambled off a percentage that made him cringe.

The reality of what they were facing made Donnie’s head spin. With everything that had happened what could they change? What had to happen?

He wanted to save Earth just as much as everyone else aboard the ship; so he threw himself into his work. Sacrificing time with his brothers and April and Casey would be worth it if it meant that no one had to suffer through Earth’s demise a second time.

He had compiled dozens of pages filled with his tiny, messy scrawl on the cause and effect of their time travel. Every time Donnie thought he’d come up with a way to save (nearly) everyone, the Fugitoid would explain, in detail, how his idea was impossible. It frustrated him, but didn't stop him from thinking a reasonable solution was possible.

But the more he worked, his hope that a viable option would present itself diminished.

He had confided his fear in the Fugitoid and the robot, as emotionless as ever, had agreed with his finding: in order to save Earth and reduce the body count some sacrifices would have to be made.

Sometimes, he regretted finding out the hard truth, but he knew that if anyone could figure this out, it would be him. His brothers could collect the pieces of the black hole generator and he would find a way to stop history from repeating itself.

So Donnie was doing what he did best. He planned. For everything that could go wrong, he came up with a solution and a solution to that solution. His plan was extensive and one that only he would ever be able to decode; it made him feel better even if the amount of contingency plans made his head spin.

But even with how smart he was and even with the knowledge and expertise of the Fugitoid, Donnie couldn’t get past one problem. The biggest one of all.

What the robot had deemed as the best outcome had a solution he refused to accept.

Their father’s death. The robot insisted it was the best way to go. “Sacrifice one to save the many. It really is the best course of action Donatello.”

He had refused outright to accept it. He refused to be the reason for their father’s death.

A few days later the Fugitoid, in his monotone, tinny voice, made another suggestion that Donnie had even thought of as a possibility, “what if you and your brothers never returned to Earth after your trip to the Triceraton ship? Your human friends could take the necessary actions to save your father’s life. If you would be so willing to sacrifice your own. It might not be the best option, but it does deserve some research.”

Donnie had refused to even entertain the idea. It hadn’t been until he had locked himself up in his lab alone that he had allowed the thought to fully run its course through his mind.

If they sacrificed themselves and could convince the Triceratons they knew where the Kraang’s home world was (which they did)—then Earth and their father would be saved.

But would his brothers accept that fate?

He shook his head. Of course they would. All four of them would sacrifice themselves to the Triceratons if it meant saving their father and their planet.

But what would it mean for them?

While the few short hours they had been held in the Triceraton arena wasn’t bad, he knew that Mikey’s uncanny ability to make any large, ferocious creature his friend was what ultimately helped them escape.

What would a lifetime of being stuck in a prison, forced to fight for their lives every day be like? Or was there a worse fate that he didn’t even know about?

Donnie snapped out of his dark thoughts when he heard a knock on his door.

“Donnie, it’s me, Mikey! Can I come in?”

He hadn’t been surprised when his youngest brother wanted to spend time with him, but what had surprised him was when Mikey quietly sat down next to him and asked him if it was okay to sit with him while he worked. The hopeful eyes and bright smile he had received in return when he had said it was okay had warmed his heart.

The quiet hum of conversation from the youngest was a soothing background noise over the silence that normally kept him company and kept his mind from drifting too far into his dark thoughts. Donnie had occasionally hummed in agreement or nodded when it seemed his brother was waiting for a response, but the _too important_ work in front of him had stolen most his attention.

He didn’t want to sacrifice moments like these unless it was the only option.

As the hours had ticked by he knew his brother had been slowly losing steam. The sentences were getting quieter and the silences longer. He had been surprised when he looked over where his brother had been sitting and only saw a plate with a sandwich and a simple note asking him to make sure he ate.

Even now, two hours after discovering the meal, it sat untouched on the far corner of his desk.

His brothers just needed to understand. There was a _reason_ he was distancing himself even if they didn’t know why. He wasn’t ignoring his brothers because he wanted to. It was because he had to. 

It hurt him whenever he saw how his actions affected them. Donnie knew that his distance was straining on the close bond he shared with all three of his brothers, but he would take the glares and the hurt looks if it meant he could protect them. It was what being a big brother was all about.

He just hoped his brothers would be able to forgive him for hiding everything after it’s all over. If it’s ever over.

He rubbed at his neck, trying to ease the ache above his shell. After a few fruitless minutes with no ease in the pain he stopped. He figured he deserved it after everything he’s put and will continue to put his brother through; it’s a small price to pay.

Frustrated after another endless night (even though it was really a sleep-cycle considering days were a concept of time from Earth) he made his way to their room. If it wasn’t for his need to sleep and eat—he’d be at his desk every minute, every hour until a better solution presented itself, especially after the Fugitoid’s most recent suggestion, but the bone-deep tiredness that had settled into his body was too hard to ignore.

He paused after his eyes adjusted. His three brothers were curled up together in a single bed. The first time he saw them together he had been a little jealous, but as time moved forward he understood it for what it was. He was happy that they were able to find comfort with one another. They were tactile creatures after all. 

At first, Casey seemed to love teasing them about it nearly every chance he got. Donnie had noticed it had stopped after the teen had shown up for practice with a pretty nasty looking black eye. He had asked the teen about it but the boy had just shrugged it off and said it was nothing.

Getting under the covers in his cold bed, Donnie knew one thing for certain; he was running out of time. While he wouldn’t join his brothers tonight or any other night in the near future, he’d protect them. He’d carry the burden of knowing what could happen until he had exhausted every other option. Twice.

Then and only then, would he allow himself to seek out what they had been trying to offer him for months. Because if their future was as grim as the Fugitoid and his own calculations were showing it to be, he wanted to soak up the warmth and love from his siblings as much as he could before their world ended.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Donnie kind of ran away in this chapter. What started out around 800 words nearly doubled to over 1500 when I finished tweaking.
> 
> I know the show will never go this route since it is a kid's show, but I always think it's interesting to explore the 'what-if's' of a darker reality.
> 
> Please let me know what you think and after writing to pretty angst stories I have a pure WAFF story coming up next so stay tuned. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Next up...what's Donnie been up to?
> 
> Part 2 will be up by the end of the week. It just needs to be edited.
> 
> Please, let me know what you think! :)


End file.
